Monday, May 30, 2005

Father and Son

Father and son...enjoying their time together!!! They are close....and enjoy each other's company....yes!!! Posted by Hello

"Husband and Wife....together for life"

This is Shane and me at the beach on May 21st. We were there for the Cape Fear Soccer Tournament Lindsay was playing in....and it was a short vacation for us. We have fun whether we are home or on the road. It is because we love each other. We enjoy being with our family. It doesn't matter where we are .....we always have a good time! God has been good to us! Posted by Hello

Daddy's Girl

My daughter Kana, 21 and her Daddy, Shane. I love them so, so much!!! Posted by Hello

My Loves, My Two Older Children!!!

Kana, 21 and Kasey, two oldest loves!!! Oh how I love you both so.....Momma Posted by Hello

A Little Thorn Can Cause Such Suffering

Thorns that prick the heart can be painful. They can cut right down to the very middle of your heart, causing you to bleed bad. The thorn don't even have to be "big". They can be small thorns. I have been by the biggest rose bush, only to be pricked by the small thorn. That is the way it can be in life. Lots of times the smallest problem can be the big problem. Sometimes with sin, the smallest of sin can make us miserable. Pain of the heart can be regretful. You could do something to hurt someone deeply, and never be able to restore that heart. Don't do something you can't fix. It would be better to do or say nothing, than to hurt someone beyond repair. It can cost you a lifetime of blessing. There is a price to pay for our choices. Are you ready to pay for your choices? Let God lead your life. Do what is pleasing to God. Obey God.

Friday, May 27, 2005

"My Girls"

My Two Blue Eyed Girls!!! Posted by Hello I have 2 of the most beautiful girls in the world. They are so pleasing to the eyes. I am not kidding. They both have the big blue eyes. Those eyes change with moods. Like if they are in a funny mood...eyes are deep bright dark blue. If they are tired.....eyes are light sea blue. They are just beautiful. Their skin is lovely, smooth, and baby-ish. Why I could look at them all day long and not get tired. I could just sit and stare at them for hours. I love them both so much. I have always loved them...from the moment I found out they were going to be born. Now, I didn't know either were going to be girls. I thought Kana, 21 years now, was a boy. Really. I thought she was, and I totally did not have a name picked almost as far as 1 week before birth. But when she was born, my oh' my, she was a beauty. She weighed in at 8lb. 10 oz. She was a big girl too. She wanted to eat all the time. She had sucked bruises on her arm even before birth. She was strong. She kicked herself off the end of my parents couch at 2 weeks. She is still strong. She is also strong-willed. But she is just so lovely. Then there is Lindsay, 11 years old. She was a 10 lb. 11 oz. baby. She was the "big Baby". She was ready for steak and potatoes at birth. She was also a beauty. She never tires me from listening to her. I ask her 100 questions a day. I want to know all there is to know about her. She is my baby doll. I want to hear all she has to tell me. I wish sometimes there was more brain to take in it all. I could get lost in her tales and love. There is a bountiful amount. And love God, she does. She wants to please all who are around her....even her teachers. She wants them to know she is knowledgeable. She is so about soccer. She says she is going to be the next "Mia Hamm", and she possibly could be if she sets her head to it. She is precious, precious. I love the both of those girls with all my heart. There are no words to describe the love my heart feels for them. I would gladly lay down my life for them. "My Girls!!!"

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Is Depression a Sin?

Often I wonder if depression is a sin. Is it? I had thought about asking my pastor about that subject before. I don't want to sin. I don't truly. And if depression is a sin....I'm sinning. It says in Psalms 9:10 "And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee." So, if I put my trust in him then I should not be depressed? I do put trust in him, but I can't help it if my heart aches. So what do I do to stop the depression I have? I pray that God will take away these feelings that I have. I know only I can do something about my attitude with his help, but God can do all. Psalm 18:2 states -"The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. " If this is so, and it is, then why do I have the feelings I have? I am 100% sure that the Lord is my deliverer......MY strength.....then what is holding me back in 100% trusting in him to deliver me from my dark depression? Is it my fear? What do I have to fear if God is going to bring me out of the darkest of deep despair? I just don't understand! I just don't understand why! And lastly, I just don't understand why he can't turn it around now! Why Lord?? Why?? I am not supposed to ask him why? Why not? I could sleep for days. I am that sleepy at this very moment....and I know it is depression that I am fightning. I want to be "free" from fear! I don't want to fear any longer. I want to trust that God will deliver my child out of bondage....from her own wickedness. I want to never fear that God isn't big enough to help her out of this situation. I plead with you God, I beg, please....please.... Help her....Help me. I don't want to cry out any longer. I want this to end...just end!!! Keep her safe Lord. Keep her out of the danger that lurks out there to take her out of your will. She don't know she needs you. She needs to be in your will. She needs to be in your house and in your word. I ask you dear Lord...again I come to you in prayer. Amen.

"Baby Doll"

This is Lindsay at a game in February. She was playing "Goalie". Look at those legs!!! She is a natural-born athlete. She is my baby doll. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Throw One More Dart At My Heart

Constantly I am seeking counsel with my Lord. I seek him out almost every morning. I have to. I need him daily. I have to have that shield of armor because I have darts thrown at my heart daily. And if you are hit with the dart, oh such is intense. It cuts right to the deepest part of your heart. It's like there is no getting over this pain I feel. When your child cuts you out of their life, it is a pain you'll probably never get over. You don't have any idea of what is going on in their life, and if they are in trouble, you don't know. And by the time they finally decide to tell you or you just find out by some chance, it is too late...they are in the deepest of trouble. That is pretty much the way it is with kids. I know, I was one too. I don't think I ever tried to intentionally hurt my parents, and most of the time that is the way it starts out. Then you have one child, who just constantly throws one dart after another, hitting you time and time again. And it seems like she is just doing it to see just how hard she can hit you....watching your reaction ever single time. Doesn't seem to care how much pain your life is in. Just sit back Momma, I am gonna hit you with the best shot yet. And then one day they realize just how much pain they have let you sit through, and they wish they could start it all over again, be different, be loving, be gentle, and kind...but most of the time you can't because it is too late. Momma's gone....death has taken her, or she is mindless and can't understand any longer. And your wanting to say I am sorry is just a minute too late. You can't make up for lost time. And the poision from your darts are in place, and you can't go back and start over. Her life is gone. Your memories left are of all the pain you have caused. Listen to can't take all the hurt you cause back. You have to live with it. Can you ask for forgivness? Yes, but the memories still remain...because God don't let you lose that. You will constantly be reminded about the darts of pain you caused. So if you don't care about your mother or your father, throw one more dart at their heart and cause them a day of more pain. The pain may go away, but the memory you leave with your parents, plus the memory you will keep for yourself..... will last your entire lifetime.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Help Me Dear Lord To Understand

I pray and pray every day for something. I ask God for his will in this situation, but I wonder if God is even listening. Maybe he isn't. Maybe he don't want to help me any longer. No, I haven't lost my faith...but I am losing my patience. God is probably teaching me to be more patient. But when it comes to my child, I have none. I love my daughter more than myself. I would give up my life for hers. But gosh Lord, can't you help me? I have a situation that needs your undying attention! I don't understand God. How can you bring up a child and teach them right from wrong and still they wander away from truth? How? And then they want to be something they are not, nor are they ever going to be. No excuses, no judging, no peace. I can't be at peace with something that is out of hand, out of God's will. I will never, and I repeat...never be at peace with my child on this situation. How can a parent just sit idly by and wait patiently for a child to be right with God? I can't. I could not be at my home and watch my child just destroy their life. I could not be there and wait for my child to stop doing something that could take their life. I can't. I can't be understanding and I can't be okay. My child is going to destroy her life worshiping an idol. She worships an image. She wants to be something she can never be. How can I be okay with that? I can't sit here and just be "ho-hum" with her. I can't pretend that it don't bother me. I don't care how old she is. It will never just be okay. She will get mad and then the next day just act like all is well, and the day before just didn't happen. And showering me with gifts don't mean anything to me while she is out of God's will. Mother's Day can come and go without all the hoop-la...but as long as she is outa-sic with God, nothing will ever be normal or good. And judge might ask???? Well, judge me if you will, but as long as she is the way she, I am not going to understand or just dance around in a circle like some off the wall "flower daisy". I am not going to pretend that it just don't matter....just as long as she comes around.....we are all gonna dance around in a circle like "flower daisies". Sorry if this offends some of by nights, but my child is away from God...and I can't be "OKAY". And yes, I have cried about 1 million tears today....and I can't stop crying more and more.....because I am not "OKAY". Pray for me....especially today. Thank you!!!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Cape Fear Soccer Tournament 2005

"Cape Fear Soccer Tournament" U-11 Champs Posted by Hello

Beat The Heat Soccer Tournament 2005

"Beat the Heat" Soccer Tournament U-11 Champs!!! Posted by Hello


This was on Sunday at Cape Fear Soccer Tournament. This was some tough soccer matches. Here is Lindsay up against a girl with the Chapel Hill Thunder. Lindsay has quick moves and controls the ball very well. Posted by Hello

"She shoots like a Cannon"

Here is Lindsay at the Cape Fear Soccer Tournament. She is up against a Rocky Mount player. She has a big shot. This is one of those "Cannon Shots". Posted by Hello

Two of my Loves!!!

Daddy Shane & Son-shine Kasey...Two of my loves.
There is such a sweet bond between these two. They love each other and support each other. It is not uncommon to see them at a game of basketball dueling it up! They had a great time together this weekend at Carolina Beach. You surely have a bushel of laughs when they are together. I thank God for them.
Posted by Hello

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Undercover Angel

I have always liked that title "Undercover Angel". As a teen growing up, I liked the song and I used it as my CB handle. Believe it or not, my parents let me talk to whomever I wanted to. Back in those days it didn't seem to matter who I talked to...and I talked to whoever would talk. I guess it was to get me outa their hair. And of course, it worked. I liked being called angel. And lots of people would talk to me about their problems. I would listen, and yes, I cared. I remember one guy in particular who had cancer and was dying. I would chat with him time and time again. I was worried about this guy. He was older than me, but not by too much. I would spend countless hours listening to him reach out to someone for that last word. I felt like he was reaching out to express his fear of dying. And he probably was. He didn't want to die. He wanted life. I don't even know if he was saved or not. He didn't share that part with me. And just because I spent all that time being his friend, I didn't want that credit. I don't like to take credit for things. I don't like being the one who stands out above the rest. I love to serve God and serve for him...not for me. I want so much to help with so many things, but I don't think I am worthy. I don't think I would be chosen...and if I was, what if I made a mistake or messed up. That is one reason I did not sing in the choir. I did sing one time, and I was forever in fear that I would screw up, sing off key and someone would notice. I was scared, so I gave it up. I was faithful to come to practice in the beginning, but I quit for fear. So, I try to give, or give of myself...but I am still afraid that I will mess up. I sometimes give without anyone knowing because I don't want to "ring my bell". I don't want someone to think..."oh she is just doing that to be noticed". I don't need that or want that. So, I just give anonymously because it is the only wayI can do it. So for the title...Undercover Angel....I want to remain an undercover angel!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

"What's goes around comes around"

Ever wonder who came up with that saying? I hate that saying. I know God is our judge. I know that. But who would want something bad to happen to someone else. I hear that every day. I have even said it myself. Why? I think I did it to throw out that big "PRIDE". It's like throwing your weight around, like being big about something. "PRIDE" is often bad. I have often told my children this..."If you are too proud to say you are sorry (even when you are not wrong)...You are too proud". Is that not a true statement? Why would or could you not say you are sorry...Even when you have done nothing wrong? You could...if you loved God. I have many, many times said I am sorry when I was not at fault. We don't need to hate each other. We need to love each other. There is not enough love for each other. God commands us to love one another. I'll be the 1st to say that I haven't been the best at loving all the time. If you are like me, sometimes you can love someone from a distance. Right? And also, sometimes it is better to love that someone from the end of the road. So, I'm not yanking anyone's chain besides mine. I too am sometimes 100% guilty of not being Christ-like. But, I can say this, I don't want anyone to suffer. You can sometimes be your own demise!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

My Rock, My Shield

My Rock, My Jesus, He is Real!!! Oh what words to encourage someone today. Of course, that is the title of a bluegrass song...but those words are compelling and strong. Forceful is My Rock, My Shield. He can send out the army with a fierce, fighting, faithful stronghold. Jesus should be your rock upon which you build your foundation in anything you do. He shields us from all hell. And yes, Jesus is real! He is the real deal. Philippians 4:13 KJV says: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." God should be your rock. He is the one who can carry you through troubled times. Psalms 18:2 KJV states: "The Lord {is} my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, {and} my high. Put your trust upon the Lord. I too struggle with putting my trust upon God only. I wasn't brought up in church. I was taught to trust upon other things to get me through. I am slow, but I am trying to change that too. If you read this, please keep me in your prayers. Thank you.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Another great shot of Lindsay...(I took myself) of her "powerful" kick. "My Heart" Posted by Hello

My daughter, Lindsay. She says she is going to be the next "Mia". I call her "Big Foot". She is a dedicated soccer player. I am proud to be her mother. Posted by Hello

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Nobody Understands My Tears

Nobody understands my tears. I have so many tears. I think I cry everyday. But crying isn't all that bad. It is kind of like rain clouds. They come, stay and drench you with wetness. Then they dry up and are gone. But understanding one's tears is the topic I chose to write about. Crying is a good way to drain out the feelings you have. You have a good cry and then, "poof", it's all better. I cry for various reasons. It is not easy to understand tears.There are lots of reasons for tears.I feel like sometimes I am the only one who is in the world. I have an alone feeling.
Being alone with no one to share your inter-most-thoughts with is a real jerker.
I try and express myself on paper, although I think sometimes it is hard to express you on paper. I cry out and nobody sees me. I stand in front with my eyes
glued to someone, and still no one sees me. I might be lost to that someone.
Maybe they don't want to see me. Maybe the ignore me on purpose.
And still, not one soul understands my tears.
Not no one wants to hear me.
No one!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


Everyday we make choices. We make good and bad choices. A lot of times, I tend to make more bad choices than good. One choice I chose was to give my heart to Jesus. I was in a bad choice when I made that great choice. I was living a life full of sin. I was stressed out from telling one lie, and then another lie to get me out of the lie I was in. I was making more excuses of why I needed to lie. Well, when I accepted Christ as my savior, everything changed. I wasn't needing the lies anymore. All I had to do was come clean, ask God for forgivness, and it was forgiven. The choice was the right one to make. It was a good choice for me. I needed Christ more than he needed me. I didn't even realize that my life would be spent in Hell if I died without him, but now I know my life will be with him in Heaven. I would rather leave my family knowing where I am going, than them to live each day not knowing where I was spending eternity. If you don't know Christ as your personal savior, then you need to find out about our risen savior.