Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Throw One More Dart At My Heart

Constantly I am seeking counsel with my Lord. I seek him out almost every morning. I have to. I need him daily. I have to have that shield of armor because I have darts thrown at my heart daily. And if you are hit with the dart, oh such is intense. It cuts right to the deepest part of your heart. It's like there is no getting over this pain I feel. When your child cuts you out of their life, it is a pain you'll probably never get over. You don't have any idea of what is going on in their life, and if they are in trouble, you don't know. And by the time they finally decide to tell you or you just find out by some chance, it is too late...they are in the deepest of trouble. That is pretty much the way it is with kids. I know, I was one too. I don't think I ever tried to intentionally hurt my parents, and most of the time that is the way it starts out. Then you have one child, who just constantly throws one dart after another, hitting you time and time again. And it seems like she is just doing it to see just how hard she can hit you....watching your reaction ever single time. Doesn't seem to care how much pain your life is in. Just sit back Momma, I am gonna hit you with the best shot yet. And then one day they realize just how much pain they have let you sit through, and they wish they could start it all over again, be different, be loving, be gentle, and kind...but most of the time you can't because it is too late. Momma's gone....death has taken her, or she is mindless and can't understand any longer. And your wanting to say I am sorry is just a minute too late. You can't make up for lost time. And the poision from your darts are in place, and you can't go back and start over. Her life is gone. Your memories left are of all the pain you have caused. Listen to can't take all the hurt you cause back. You have to live with it. Can you ask for forgivness? Yes, but the memories still remain...because God don't let you lose that. You will constantly be reminded about the darts of pain you caused. So if you don't care about your mother or your father, throw one more dart at their heart and cause them a day of more pain. The pain may go away, but the memory you leave with your parents, plus the memory you will keep for yourself..... will last your entire lifetime.

1 comment:

Corry said...

Karen, I sympathize. Yeah, it hurts when they do that. I found that I can forgive and forget that pain that they cause ME. What hurts most though is the knowledge and the seeing how they are hurting THEMSELVES! That is hurt I can not get past. And they often are not even aware of it. Ears are closed, eyes are shut. And unless they are willing to listen and understand, there is nothing I can do. Except persist in my efforts, praying that one day God will touch their hearts.

I hope your day will bring some unexpected blessings. God is merciful. Our prayers are with you!

God's Grace.