Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Help Me Dear Lord To Understand
I pray and pray every day for something. I ask God for his will in this situation, but I wonder if God is even listening. Maybe he isn't. Maybe he don't want to help me any longer. No, I haven't lost my faith...but I am losing my patience. God is probably teaching me to be more patient. But when it comes to my child, I have none. I love my daughter more than myself. I would give up my life for hers. But gosh Lord, can't you help me? I have a situation that needs your undying attention! I don't understand God. How can you bring up a child and teach them right from wrong and still they wander away from truth? How? And then they want to be something they are not, nor are they ever going to be. No excuses, no judging, no peace. I can't be at peace with something that is out of hand, out of God's will. I will never, and I repeat...never be at peace with my child on this situation. How can a parent just sit idly by and wait patiently for a child to be right with God? I can't. I could not be at my home and watch my child just destroy their life. I could not be there and wait for my child to stop doing something that could take their life. I can't. I can't be understanding and I can't be okay. My child is going to destroy her life worshiping an idol. She worships an image. She wants to be something she can never be. How can I be okay with that? I can't sit here and just be "ho-hum" with her. I can't pretend that it don't bother me. I don't care how old she is. It will never just be okay. She will get mad and then the next day just act like all is well, and the day before just didn't happen. And showering me with gifts don't mean anything to me while she is out of God's will. Mother's Day can come and go without all the hoop-la...but as long as she is outa-sic with God, nothing will ever be normal or good. And judge her....you might ask???? Well, judge me if you will, but as long as she is the way she is....no, I am not going to understand or just dance around in a circle like some off the wall "flower daisy". I am not going to pretend that it just don't matter....just as long as she comes around.....we are all gonna dance around in a circle like "flower daisies". Sorry if this offends some of you...fly by nights, but my child is away from God...and I can't be "OKAY". And yes, I have cried about 1 million tears today....and I can't stop crying more and more.....because I am not "OKAY". Pray for me....especially today. Thank you!!!